Today I am
feeling grateful. Something happened yesterday that was like a slap in the face
for me.
Yesterday
morning as we were leaving for church, I found myself becoming so frustrated.
It sometimes feels impossible to get all four of us out of the house and to
church on time. It is hectic, and when I allow it to be, it becomes stressful.
Once we got Jake and Paisley loaded into the car, my mind just started racing.
How are we going to do this with a third child? How are we going to do this
with a third child that has special needs??? Why us? Why does it have to be so
hard? Why don’t we have more? Why do we have to work so hard? Why? Why? Why?
We piled
into our favorite church pew a few minutes later. The words to the song we sang
were that God is faithful. It was then that I felt the slap in my face.
See, it was
just three short months ago that I sat in that same pew with a breaking heart. I
remember begging God for Jake’s life. It was the Sunday before his brain
surgery. On that very same Sunday we were also begging for Hannah Belle’s life.
We had been told there was no chance she would survive.
There I was…
sitting with my beautiful family. Mike had his arms around Jake and I (smiling
as always). Jake was singing and smiling. Paisley was in my lap (in her
adorable Sunday dress) and Hannah Belle was moving around so much that my dress
was actually moving. We were the picture of a happy and healthy family, surrounded by family and friends that love us.
Jake is
still recovering. There are still so many unknowns about his health, however,
he is getting stronger each day and I will continue to trust that God is in
control.
At Hannah’s
last appointment, the same doctor that told me she would not survive finally admitted
that she IS a miracle. There is no other way to explain it.
Paisley
continues to bring such joy to our lives. She’s a beautiful, healthy, perfect
little girl.
I have a
husband that still puts love notes in my lunch box. He makes me smile every
single day. He works 60 and 70 hour weeks, sometimes 7 days a week and rarely
complains. He tells me I’m beautiful every day and is the love of my life. He
puts up with my crazy moods, and always finds a way to make me laugh.
I thought to
myself, how dare you do ANYTHING other than thank God for this very moment.
It took
God gently reminding me of how far we have come in only three short months to
remember ALL that I have to be thankful for. I am blessed beyond measure. I
have an adoring husband, awesome kids, and the best family I could wish for. We live next door to my amazing parents. I sometimes still can't believe how lucky we are to have found that house. We
have good jobs, a beautiful home. So much that we don’t deserve.
